Florence, the world capital of culture! (and the current home of the not-so-cultured)

Something pretty funny happened to me today. I'm in Florence, which is pretty much the world capital of culture. According to the Wikitravel article, Florence is basically the reason Europe finally made it out of the dark ages and into the Renaissance. Everything started here. This is the home of some of the best artists, writers, and explorers ever! And I ran into some of the least classy people in the world.
I was just sitting on the side of an ancient building, drinking my liter of sparkling water (only 1 euro!) and trying to decide where to go next. I looked across the street and saw a girl wearing really tall pink heels. I thought, wow, she must be really dumb to be wearing those on cobblestones. Then I looked up to the matching hot-pink dress and thought, her chest is enormous, how on earth is she not falling over? And then I thought, this is why Italians think American women are sluts. I realized this was the understatement of the century as soon as I realized who she was. I looked at the rest of the group, and saw a couple of other girls in similar unsuitable clothing and a couple of guys, one of whom had about the dumbest haircut I've ever seen. At the end of the group were two bodyguards, and then I realized that I've seen that dumb haircut before. If you still don't know who I'm talking about, don't worry. I probably wouldn't have realized who they were either, if it hadn't been for a magazine article I read about a very popular American tv show that was going all the way to Italy to film their next season. All the way to Italy, from New Jersey. That's right. Here I am in the capital of culture, and who do I run into? Snookie and the cast of the Jersey Shore. Kill me now. I just can't get far enough away from insipid American "culture". If you still don't know who I'm talking about, count yourself lucky.
The rest of the day was a lot more cultural, although I didn't actually enter a museum. To get into the important ones, you have to book ahead or stand in line for hours. I knew this, and yet, somehow, I forgot. I was thinking about going into the Duomo (biggest church in Florence) instead, but then I saw that line and gave up on that, too. So I decided to enjoy my day in Florence and I did a food tour instead of a museum tour. First I went to the Mercado Centrale (Central Market). I figured out very abruptly that I've forgotten whatever Italian I learned in college. Moreover, what little I know gets mixed up with French in my head and comes out Fritalian. Luckily, I wanted breakfast, so I just pointed to the pastries I wanted and said no, si, and grazie. The market was pretty cool, although the meat stalls nearly made me throw up, and I'm seriously thinking about becoming a vegetarian. They were selling chickens which still had heads. Gross!

I went looking for a quiet place to sit down while eating my pastries, and stumbled upon this awesome church! This is what I love about Italy. You don't even have to look for historic architecture. You just have to look for some good food and a good place to sit down, and you stumble upon marvels. I had found, entirely by accident, the church of San Lorenzo, a 15th century Renaissance Church with an unfinished facade.

Then I saw the Duomo, which was breathtaking. Even the crowd of tourists couldn't dim my wonder at the beautiful church! But I did take some pictures of the tourists, so you can get an idea of how bad it was. I thought Paris was bad, but Italy is ten times more tourist-infested. I really want to come back in the winter to see if it's more fun when it's less crowded.
The church itself looks like a wedding cake. The whole thing is decorated with white loops and curlicues. I think it might be the most beautiful church I've seen yet, and I've seen a lot of churches!

 

See the crowds?

Then I got gelato from Perché No!, which may be my new motto (Why Not!) It tasted so much better than any gelato I’ve ever had before! I’m pretty sure this is because of the little voice in my head yelling I’m eating gelato in ITALY!  It was pretty delicious, though. I may get more later. So I had to find someplace to sit, and I ended up outside the Palazzo Vecchio. I got to see a giant statue of David. It isn’t the official copy, of course, but I don’t think that matters much in sculpture. I understand that you can never make a perfect copy of a painting. People will always want to see the real thing so that they can see the brush strokes or the way the eyes follow you. But sculpture is different. I’ve seen all the Lord of the Rings extras, and they can scan a sculpture of Minis Tirith and make it look perfect onscreen. If they can do that, I’m pretty sure they can make a good copy of David. So I don’t feel that bad that I didn’t see the real thing. 

Perseus getting his ears cleaned

Then I got lunch at I Fratelli, which, like Perché No!, was recommended by both my guidebook and the EuroCheapo blog. I was impressed! There’s this tiny hole in the wall, which you could totally miss if it weren’t for the giant crowd of young people in line. There are two guys crammed into a space they can barely turn around in, and all they sell are panini (sandwiches, not panini like in America) and wine. Luckily, the menu was numbered, so I was able to order a sei and and a diciassette totally in Italian! I felt very good about myself. Even if I don’t speak much Italian, at least I remember the numbers 1-20!

Goat Cheese and Dried Tomatoes

Mozzarella, Tomato, and Basil

 So that's my food tour of Florence. On my way home I saw this cool building, but I have no idea what it is:

Then I ran into Jersey Shore, then I tried to navigate home using my sense of direction rather than a map. I was doing pretty well until I found a street name I recognized. Encouraged, I walked purposefully for a couple of blocks before I realized I was going the wrong direction. About twenty minutes later, after walking in circles for twenty minutes, I gave up and used a map. They do studies on this. My brain is just not designed to have a good internal sense of direction.

One thing I've noticed about Florence is that there are a ton of motorinos. I really want to rent one, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even ask for my drivers' license or read it closely enough to notice it says "non-driver", but then I realized if I got into a wreck I'd be in double trouble. And I'm not the world's best driver, and the roads here are pretty narrow. So, you can all stop worrying, I'm not getting on a motorino anytime soon.

Motorinos as far as the eye can see!